Defender of my Faith.

This weekend my parents thought it would be lovely to “surprise” me with a visit. I knew it was going to get ugly soon since my mom has been fighting with my sister and what better lovely disguise to come over but through my birthday. I seriously thought when I heard her voice at my door, if I closed my eyes hard enough, I would just realize it was a dream- I only say this because I knew a huge fall out was about to happen soon.

My parents came in and after a Happy Birthday wish…I waited no more than about 2 minutes until my mom started talking trash about my sister. I asked her why she had said the negative, hurtful things she did to my sister…and I could still see that she was not going to budge on her pride. She continued nodding her head with condescending smirks on her face as she lied to my face and said that she doesn’t think she is negative, hurtful or critical. I told her I was ashamed of a mother who would tell my sister that “if she was as weak as her, she would have killed herself by now.”

I think for the 65th time I heard her want to “wash her hands of us”, to “walk away from us” and better yet….”Karma must have played back on her to deserve us in her life”. I couldn’t help it…my blood was boiling. I went about 1 foot away from her face and told her that if she wanted to talk to me like that anymore she could take it up with Him. Its been a long time since I have felt myself shake with tears of anger. Shake from a deep frustration and hurt of “how can you say these things to your daughter?”

If it couldn’t get worse she then asked my father to decide then & there if he too still desired to have a daughter or if he wanted to “wash his hands of me too”.

Out of no where, I found this peace. This peace from my Defender of my Faith. The Lord. That day He came through like He did the 1st day I got saved at age 19. I remember Jesus telling me that He was going to be my family through life. That he would defend me from such hurtful things being said to me by loved ones. As I felt this immense peace, I asked my mom to challenge herself to go home and get on her knees and pray. She laughed in my face of course but I also left her with this: the minute she walks into my apartment is the minute she plays by my rules. AND my rules are love, respect and submission to God as my authority. If she can’t place nice & healthy than she might as well as “wash her hands of me”. I cried that night and onto Sunday where I cried more at church…but both times I just felt this immense amount of love & peace over me. The battle is done, my mom who is a bully just heard her own daughter speak back in truth- in a language she only understands: bully talk. I had to bully my mother into realizing that she can’t bully me anymore.

Soaking it all in...

Im still soaking in everything God showed me this past weekend at the women’s retreat. It left me with some really awesome thoughts. One of the women spoke on how we need to live in a way that speaks of proof that we believe in the promises that God has for us.

This morning I woke up anxious …for several reasons…family, work, just the intricate details that I worry about that are so overwhelming. But as I just laid there praying, God gave me a ton of peace. Letting me know that He already sees and knows whats going on…and that is just enough.

Sometimes I get so flustered and discouraged of taking out the time to pray but when God so sweetly tells me that he already knows and is already intervening on my life so spare me from more family heartache or work drama…man, it just takes a huge load off.

Im not sure what I did to deserve this love but I will certainly take it all.

Reality LA's 1st Women's Retreat!

I attended Reality LA’s 1st Women’s Retreat! I felt like it was going down in the books. We were in the little theater and it felt weird going with my new church and not my last. It was probably about 100 women and we had amazing worship. Honestly so beautifully done. I’m still soaking in my observations and taking in what I learned but the main thing I learned most of all was that I was there this weekend for others and not myself. I got so much closer with some friends and realized how much they need my love & prayers. I had a huge amount of peace and I knew that I was equipped to be there for my friend with counsel.